An irrational choice
by Ashahera
Summary: The archdemon is defeated. Alistair is crowned King. His Queen,the Warden commander,has secured Vigil's Keep and travels alongside her new recruits. One night while camping,she falls terribly sick and her fellow Warden have a hard time keeping her alive..
1. Chapter 1

Warning:  
This story contains bad language.  
Most of the characters belong to Bioware.

**An irrational choice **

_by Ashahera_

Chapter one

For hours now Nathaniel has been sitting in the middle of the camp, staring in the darkness surrounding it. The commander had slipped into his tent just after nightfall apologising for waking him and ordering him to take over her watch tonight. She said she was feeling unwell and would rather rest. Respecting her privacy he obeyed without question.

So he sat there, his back turned to the fading camp-fire and fought his need for sleep as his eyes slowly closed causing him to doze off for a quick moment every now and then.  
The touch of his grandfathers former bow he held with a loose grip in his right hand made him dwell in unpleasant memories.

A sharp cry coming from the commanders tent ripped Nathaniel out of his sinister thoughts. Fully awake and feeling guilty for a possible lack of attention he turned around quickly looking for any possible threat. As none was to be seen he ran to the commanders tent only to stop close before it's entrance as he heard violent sobbing coming from within. His gut feeling urged him to enter without waiting for permission, but his good manners told him otherwise. "Commander are you all right?" The sobbing seized, but he got no reply. "May I come in?" Still nothing. "Commander?" ... Silence.

By Andraste! Pushing the good manners aside, Nathaniel drew back the tent's door and entered. The dim light of what remained of the camp-fire poorly enlightened the small tent. He saw the commander lying cramped up on her bedroll. Her shoulders heaved under her heavy breathing. Blue, tired eyes filled with tears glared at him as she tried to speak. Her voice was very weak and barely audible.  
The moment he bend down and leaned closer to understand what she tried to say, Anders and Oghren rushed in.  
"Thoug' I heard somethin'" the dwarf babbled.  
"Having another nightmare commander? Those by the taint corrupted dreams always freak the hell out of me as well, thought you might wanna receive a small pinch or so to wake up."  
"Out with you! Now!" The commanders words weren't more than a whisper but the anger that filled them was unmistakable.  
"You heard the commander! Off with you!" Nathaniel's words were swift but clear.  
"Are you all right Commander?" Anders gave her a worried look. "You seem to be in pain, I'm sorry for bumping in so rude, I just thought you were only-"  
"Go away! All of you! That's an order!" she cried out hoarsely.  
Oghren and Anders vanished back into the darkness, but Nathaniel remained at her side.  
"Go!"Leave me al..." her voice broke off as a heavy weave of nausea overcame her. Lying all curled up, her face twisting in agony she clenched her arms around her belly and rolled to the other side turning her back to Nathaniel.  
"Commander...what is it? We've all been eating the same stew tonight and only bread and salted meat during the day so unless you've been eating something else as well I doubt it can be food poisoning."  
"That's … not it" she hissed trough clenched teeth.  
A moment later she started retching, grimacing as sour bile shot up her throat.  
"Would you like me to accompany you outside commander? asked Nathaniel in a calming tone.  
She nodded weakly. When she tried to get up, she suddenly pushed a hand before her mouth and turned her head away from the Warden with a shameful look.  
"Come here commander", Nathaniel picked her up and quickly carried her to the borders of the camp. He let her kneel down next to an old oak. Leaning with one arm against the tree she bend over and emptied her stomach on the moss covered ground. Nathaniel held her shoulder long black hair back and gently rubbed her back.  
Being his commander he wasn't sure if she'll let him fuss over her but as sick as she was, she didn't seemed to mind. He had no clue about comforting people as he was used to keep to himself for most of his life.  
When the vomiting had ceased, he offered her his water pouch. She cleaned her mouth and spat out weakly. The world spun sickeningly in her head which finally caused her to faint. Nathaniel pulled her limp body closer to his chest and let her head rest on his shoulders. He wiped her face with a handkerchief and whispered calming words in her ear.

When dawn closed in, Anders came out of his tent fully dressed in his mage robes with a worried look upon his face. Nathaniel sat in front of the camp-fire absent-mindedly fumbling in the sleeping commanders hair. He had laid her down onto a blanket and had her covered up lightly, her head resting on his lap. She had been sick two more times that night and as she was barely conscious he did not dare leaving her alone.  
"Hey, how is she doing?" Anders asked with a low voice trying not to wake her.  
"Not good" Nathaniel replied still staring into the distance ahead. "She's burning hot and keeps fainting."  
"Found out the source of her sickness yet?"  
"Do I really look like a bloody healer to you?" Nathaniel snapped back.  
"OK, OK, I know you had a rough night all right, but that's no reason to immediately get pissed at me." "Just concerned that's all. Unfortunately I am a mediocre herbalist, but I think I can mange a potion to lower that fever of hers."  
"Do that!"  
"HEEY nothin' better than a good puke to start the day aye commander?" yelled Oghren all over the camp as he fell out of his tent merely dressed in his undergarments.  
"Great the dwarf's awake!" remarked Anders arrogantly lifting the eyebrow. "What a joy!"  
"From what I've overheard she did a good job last night..."  
"Shut up you disgusting creature", interrupted the rogue "or I'll make sure you won't live another night to overhear anything!"  
"Wohoo a death threat at dawn, coming from a shady rogue with red sleepy eyes almost tops the..." This time it was Anders who interrupted Oghren enthusiastic speech.  
"Come here you!"pulling Oghren back to his tent "get dressed and sober...and don't speak to the commander like that or I'll freeze your ass so that she can shape it into a cute little fairy sculpture when she's feeling better again."  
"Ehjee now that's a pretty-"  
"Argh get in there and hold your breath!"  
"I still cannot believe she let HIM become a Grey Warden!" Anders started the usual complaining. Nathaniel definitely had no nerves for that right now; "Well she let YOU join too!"  
"FINE! I'll see what herbs I can find! And leave the poor commander to your moody temper!"

The commander stirred a little before waking up. She moaned softly as she tried to lift up her head. Nathaniel immediately stopped stroking her hair. Uncoordinated she grabbed behind herself and fumbled to get his hand. When she did, she placed it back on her head and closed her eyes again. Nathaniel couldn't help grinning at this gesture. The commander, their fearless leader seemed to enjoy some fussing over after all.  
Or she might just as well mistake him for her husband King Alistair in her feverish delirium.

Tbc...

Hello everyone :-)

I love reading all kind of fantastic novels and am a huge fan of Bioware's Dragon Age Origins and Awakening. (Among many other things )

This is my very first attempt of writing fan fiction myself so please let me know if I shall turn it into a new pass time of mine or rather stop right here. :-/

_(Please try to ignore my possible English mistakes, it's none of my native languages)_

**Comments/Replies are very welcome ;-)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

After a little while Anders handed Nathaniel a little vial with a greenish foul smelling liquid .

"This should do."

"Thanks", whispered Nathaniel, "hope she can stomach it."

He made the commander sip the potion. She pulled her head away in disgust when she had drunk half of it.

"That should do commander," said Anders in a friendly tone "all we need to do now is wait for her temperature to drop. You should get a little sleep meanwhile Nathaniel, I will watch over her for so long."

Nathaniel hesitated a moment.

"Common, you are no use to any of us if you're dead tired."

The rogue nodded and let Anders take his place.

At lunchtime the dwarf stepped out of his tent again, finally fully dressed he stretched, let out a loud belch and started packing up his bed stuff.

"Ey sparkle finger what's for breakfast?"

"Good day to you too Mr. ale swilling mountain of belches! Almost sorry to disappoint you but no lunch has been prepared so far."

"Where's the darn rogue with that bow? Saw enough wild in the woods to start a sodding farm"

"I'm here." Nathaniel was still looking tired. "Gonna get us something to eat. How's she doing?"

"She has a little less fewer - thank the maker - but she still seems to be in pain."

"I could not sense any wounds yet, so I guess she has some kind of infection or disease. Anyway I hope she can tell us more when she's fully conscious again.

Nathaniel's hunt was successful, he brought back two hares. Oghren helped him prepare them.

Meanwhile the commander slowly came back to her senses.

"Hey there." Tired eyes stared up at Anders. He smiled down at her "How are you?"

Nathaniel hurried to be at their leaders side; "Are you feeling better again commander?"

She felt horrible. And utterly humiliated. She had never been this weak and out of control in her life.

"I'm sorry..."

"There is nothing to apologise for commander."

"Nate... I..." She shivered from the sudden upcoming pain.

"Are you cold? asked the mage giving her a worried look. "Do you want some more blankets?"

"No...I just..."

"Hungry! You must be hungry after... well you know. We have hare and beans and..."

She twitched her face when the mage started talking about food. Eating was definitely the last thing she had on mind right now.

"Please Anders just... can I just talk to Nathaniel for a moment?"

"Oh but of course, I'll just leave you two then. Have to make sure the dwarf doesn't burn our lunch anyway." Anders carefully helped her to a sitting position as he got up. "And glad you're better commander, got us all quite worried. Well almost all of us. You know!"

She still clutched her belly as the rogue sat down next to her.

"I'm really sorry for tonight Nathaniel. I...it was so embarrassing... I couldn't...!"

"Hush commander", he gently patted her shoulder. "There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Thank you."

"Is it the pain?"

"What do you mean?"

"That causes your shivering?"

She looked down and answered in a low voice "Yes...it hurts so much."

"Where does it ...?" The rogue let out a soft sight. "Is there anything we can do for you?"

"No, I know of some potions to cease the cramps, but I don't have the necessary herbs for them. They don't grow in these places."

"I'm sure they sell them in the city. It's only a one day march from here, do you think you can walk?"

"Help me up please."

She managed to get up but screamed in agony when she tried to walk by herself. She sank back and sobbed softly. "Oghren and the mage were about to run closer but Nathaniel motioned for them to stay back.

"Commander, hush...it's going to be all right."

"Can you please carry me behind the bushes I need to..."

"Of course commander." He helped her up again and did as she asked.

"Just call me when you...need any assistance." He blushed and quickly walked back to the camp.

_By Andraste why did he have to feel so uncomfortable in situations like these? _

He ate his share of the meat and saved some small dry bits for the commander.

"Think she's up for the march to the city? Ya're all in for some ale and woman when we get there aye?"

"No I think we should give her another days rest at least."

"Did she tell you what she thinks it might be?"

The rogue shook his head. "Only that she can brew a potion with some herbs from the city."

"Well one of us could go there and get them, no?"

"Aye the pretty mage just volunteered!"

"Let's wait for her decision."

"Shouldn't she have called you by now?"

Nathaniel walked back to the forest. "Commander? Is everything OK?"

He heard her loud sobbing and was immediately alarmed. "Commander?"

"Go..." She started crying "Take them with you and just leave me here!"

"What happened? Commander? Can I come over?"

"No please..." the rest of her answer was lost in her her violent weeping.

_Not the right moment to be shy._

He slowly stepped behind the raspberry hedge where he left the commander earlier. What he saw nearly froze the blood in his veins...

Tbc...

Hey all :-)

No worries next chapter will include less talking and more drama...

**Comments/Replies are still very welcome ;-)**


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